Patrols and a Photo

Basically, since it's such a small town, I go on patrols almost every night. I wander around on rooftops or in shadows. All that Batman kind of bullcrap.

I also keep my ear on a police scanner that I stole from a place I used to work. It clips to my belt, so it's really handy.

Patrols tonight were boring. There was a rowdy party going on, but nothing illegal was happening, and I don't mind that stuff anyway. Mostly it's crimes against other people I care about.

Ever since I fought Willie the Giant Dog, things have been really quiet around here.

Willie the Giant Dog is one of my enemies. Long story.

Here's a picture of me. I know I shouldn't post it, but eventually, some jerk is going to get a photo of me when I'm not looking and they'll hog all the credit. I'd rather leak a good photo myself than let some other stooge get all the glory.

Should I get a MySpace?

The Commission Can Kiss My Ass

So, I guess I'm the Punchernaut.

Being a superhero carries a lot of responsibility, and it's a lonely life. The best way to get these things out is to talk about them, but being a superhero, and having to keep my idenity a secret, I don't get much of an opportunity to do it.

There are only a few people who know I lead this double life. I can't tell you who they are, because then you'll be able to find out who I am. One is my best friend, one is my therapist, and one is a girl I used to love. Then like, it'd be like Spider-Man stuff. You'd go after the people I love and all that crap, and I don't have time for that.

My powers? Hard to describe, really. I'll let you pick up on it as you read, because I doubt you want to go through some itemized list of all the things I can do. I've heard a lot of people say I'm just good at being a badass. I guess that's a decent super power.

My motivation for fighting crime? Well, being a vigilante is easier than being a villain, for one. People like a vigilante. Gives them some kind of hope, I guess. Plus, being a vigilante, I'm still technically a criminal. Don't get me wrong, I'm not some namby-pamby mama's boy like that wuss Superman. What a joke.

I guess boredom factors into it. Most nights I don't have anything better to do than to cruise around looking for people to save.

Not that the roofs are all that high around here. I live in a small town. Vincennes, Indiana, to be exact. Not much call for a super hero around here, but I've made the papers more than once. I'm a natural at moving just as my picture is taken, so all the photos they get are blurry. I'm totally a pro at this.

Up until about a week ago, I was Captain Punchernaut, but I got a message from the Super Human Commission stating you can't have "Captain" in your superhero name unless you're actually a ranking military official. You know, like Captain America. That guy's worse than Superman. A shield? Really? Keep hiding, Steve. Maybe you'll get a couple licks in.

So I just took "Captain" out and replaced it with "The." The Punchernaut sounds stronger anyway. I'm the only one. THE Punchernaut.

Why Punchernaut? Because I punch things. I'm good at it. The -naut part is like "juggernaut." I was going to call myself Captain Juggernaut, but I don't want to rip off X-Men. If I start doing that, people won't take me seriously.

"Oh honey, that comic book nerd is at it again. Sticking his neck out for people."

I guess the -naut part can also be like "astronaut" because I'm from space, but I don't like to talk about that.

Things went bad at home before I left.

So that's enough of an introduction, I guess. I sound like I'm full of myself.

Tomorrow I might let you know what goes on in a typical night for me. I skipped patrol tonight because I got off work late, otherwise I'd tell you tonight.

Sleep well, citizens.